Home / Top / We can’t believe this stupid movie is real: ‘Assassin 33 AD’

We can’t believe this stupid movie is real: ‘Assassin 33 AD’

Was this scene shot with just a little feast for the eyes for the ladies in the audience? No, it is all an elaborate preparation for the eventual unveiling of this Ram changed historyand the Bible verse Mark 14:51 – 52 is about him: “A young man who wore nothing but a linen dress followed Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked and left his robe behind.”

Jesus, of course, returns from the dead with a full dedication explosion. And when Simon dies, Ram comforts him by telling him that Jesus will be waiting in heaven with a fraternity house full of beer, which kind of reassures this cartoon character of a man.

In the end, Ram accepts Jesus and learns the power of forgiveness by refusing to avenge and kill Brandt. Then Brandt gets good and turns Ahmed on. Then Ram Ahmed stabs to death.

Then every single death is negated by more time travel, including that of Heidi Montag – she is saved by Ram after traveling back to get things right (and apparently giving a free pass to every atrocity in human history).

Well, obviously there are a few things that are not quite right with this movie. For one, the central arc of the story is about our main character Ram Goldstein (a traditionally Jewish name) who reluctantly accepts the teachings of Jesus Christ to please his girlfriend. And the shadowy cabal of menacing Muslims, literally planning to murder Jesus and obliterate the Christian faith, feels like a panicked Fox News segment is brought to life and this script is written. It’s especially stupid because of Islam “worships both Jesus and his mother” and still thinks he’s one “Prophet of God.”

Of course, there’s a post-credits scene that knocks off a sequel (one of the time-traveling versions of Ram and Amy stuck 20 years in the future where America is at war with … The Anti-Christ) that if it is produced, you may inadvertently prove that there is indeed no God.

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Top picture: Time-bound productions

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