Do you remember when you were little and adults fell into three categories: vaguely young, vaguely middle-aged, and vaguely smelling of adult diapers? We tend to apply the same metric to video game characters whose eerie valley walls elude proper dating, unless their creators report their age. And even if they tell you, you may not want to know. Otherwise, you might find out that the most popular New Yorker with mustache from Gaming is actually a cloth hat from Brooklyn with twenty cloth caps.
In a 2005 interview, Mario revealed to Mario creator Shigeru Miyamoto that he only gave Mr. Mario a background detail – a (disturbingly) young age. “”[A]Aside from the fact he’s roughly 24-25 years old, we didn’t define anything else, “Miyamoto said, not realizing that small details change everything we know about the pot-bellied plumber who looks old enough to be Ironically enough, that mustache didn’t just grow for Movember.
The effects of this age shift confuse the mind. Is it his youthful strength that enables Mario to jump like this, and why did he give up his Olympic high jumper career to become a 24-year-old plumber? Or maybe those green pipes are really wormholes that can change time and age him (significantly) months every time he splashes through one? And does that mean 50-year-old Bob Hoskins from the hated Super Mario Bros. movie should be 24 years old?
This also applies to all other “vaguely characterized” Mario characters. Since Princess Peach is only 20 years old, the pizza monster from Brooklyn is said to be the dashing young hero who makes her passed out. (Peach rewarded Mario by inviting him cake(Recontextualizing that you now know they are both horny in their early twenties). Tragically, this means that Luigi, Mario’s twin, surpassed Kurt Cobain die at the tender age of 24.