Even the best amusement parks have something shabby, as anyone who has accidentally looked into the wrong alley at Disneyworld and saw Buzz Lightyear try to comfort Goofy with the meth shakes. That’s why everyone appreciates a truly horrible park, like the one in which they don’t bother to hold up a privacy tarpaulin while spraying blood off the bumper cars. And the most legendary of them all was the Action Park – the humble water park that has become a popular institution in New Jersey, with nothing more than a positive attitude and a total disregard for the sanctity of human life, alcohol licensing laws, and the concept of gravity itself.
The locals still whisper about the Action Park today, and not just because most of them burned their trachea out of the wave pool with chlorine vapors. Almost everyone who grew up in the New York metropolitan area in the 1
“Nothing in the world is as good as Action Park!” is a catchy jingle, but also what UNICEF works very hard on.
But there was a time when even the Action Park went too far. And we’re talking about a park where there was no problem building a water slide from metal rollers or finishing another slide by hurling drivers over a small puddle into a wall. But even by those standards, what Action Park created in 1985 was so dangerous, so terrible, and so obvious not correctthat even the park employees who built the thing can’t quite believe it. In fact, the water slide we’re going to show you is such a Lovecraftian abomination that it may take your brain a few seconds to process it. Catch sight of: The cannonball loop.
Yes, this is a water slide with a bow. Not a roller coaster or any motorized ride, but an individually sized water slide. As expected, there were some design flaws. If a slider wasn’t fast enough to clear the loop, they simply slid back down and remained trapped in a tiny, jet-black tube with no way to get out, no room to maneuver, and a growing fear that the next customer would shoot at any moment could. The park eventually had to install a hatch at the bottom of the slide to pull out all of the newly formed claustrophobia.