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Photos of the past that look like trippy fantasy


Kiribati warriors looked like Poseidon’s bodyguards

Let’s start this entry with a warning: we’re showing you the coolest people who have ever lived, at least outside of a Sprite commercial from the ’90s. If you’re at work we can’t recommend reading any further as the urge to quit your job and start a new life battling Aquaman can get overwhelming. That being said, please enjoy the greatest war outfit ever created:

5 photos of the past that look like Trippy Fantasy - I-Kiribati warriors in armor made from marine animals

Museum of Archeology and Anthropology
Granted, the smaller guy doesn̵
7;t seem to have fully signed up for what’s going to happen here.

This is the traditional combat armor from Kiribati, a small island nation in the Pacific. It’s pronounced Kiri-Bass because would you argue with these people about spelling? The islands have few resources so the locals have been forced to get all of their war gear from a mermaid’s nightmare. Let’s get this out of the way first: yes, these helmets are made from puffer fish.

5 photos of the past that look like trippy fantasy - a puffer fish helmet from Kiribati

Daderot / Wikimedia Commons
“If it has spikes, I’ll wear it.”

The I-Kiribati warriors killed and dried an inflated puffer fish, then lined the interior with coconut shell cushions which they single-handedly transformed into Third tier X-Men. This would be accompanied by armor made of thick coconut fiber mats. Imagine how much creativity it takes to look at a coconut tree and think, “I can make an Iron Man suit out of this, no problem.” The coconut armor was often reinforced by an outer breastplate made from stingray skin because there was literally no terrifying sea monster the I-Kiribati would not strap to their bodies. And they really needed that armor as their weapons were somehow even more terrible.

5 photos of the past that look like Trippy Fantasy - an I-Kiribati warrior with weapons and armor made from marine fauna

Rev. George Hubert Eastman
Whoever wants to kill this man has our deepest condolences.

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