If you’re a stone psychopath who can take a look at the news these days, you may have seen a story about a group of eBay employees who molested a couple who made the mistake of easily criticizing the company. We even covered it here at Cracked.com, although this website is mostly about spackling and drywall. But eBay history is actually just the tip of the iceberg.
To sum it up again: The eBay saga was about a middle-aged couple from Natick, Massachusetts, who mildly criticized the company in an e-commerce newsletter they ran. This apparently drove eBay’s top executives mad with rage. The actual CEO of the company started texting “take down”, presumably while turning his desk and hurling a whiskey glass against the wall. Another manager replied, “We will destroy this lady.”
Apparently, eBay’s security team has decided to launch an anonymous harassment campaign against the couple. Her plan was to pretend to be a random eBay seller, angry at the couple’s criticism of the company that would set out to ruin their lives. As soon as the couple was pushed to the brink of crisis, eBay security broke in and offered to track down the mysterious troll. The couple would be so grateful that they would never criticize eBay again. They called it the “White Knight” strategy because everyone around 2008 spent far too much time online.
Over the next two weeks, eBay employees sent the couple living spiders, a funeral wreath, books on surviving the death of a loved one, fly larvae, cockroaches, and a bloody pig mask. They tried to send an actual fetal pig, but the company called the couple to confirm (please take a break to sympathize with the fetal pig company, which appears to be used to a harassment tool for internet trolls to be). The team also planned to send rats, chainsaws, and human shit that are believed to come from a very confused eBay intern.