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6 very stupid questions with very clever answers



6

How many farts do you need to kill someone?

Technically, "toxic" is not a joke when it comes to certain flatulence. Our rectal expulsions contain a number of asphyxiants (gases that can cause suffocation). Nitrogen is the newest method of executing prisoners, and methane, which is very breathable, is also a high-percentage gas that tends to hang over after dinner. To arm farts, one would simply have to prevent these gases from spreading.

So kill someone with farts, because our 14-year release has adapted to that. You need a room full of dozens, if not hundreds, of fuzzers with vacuum-sealed flasks, and you need hoses from those isolated anuses that lead to a breathing mask on the victim's face. As soon as the victim of this strange and terrible revenge (Gary, you know what you have done) begins to breathe pure farts without being contaminated by the ambient air, the nitrogen will start to eliminate the oxygen stored in their lungs and they will suffocate. And it would require about 605 farts to do them, although this requires a few, um, assumptions about both their lung capacity and average fart volume.

Kasia Biel / Adobe Stock More than just German food, followed by a long ride on the elevator, as we had always assumed.

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