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4 things i learned to work with rip off muppets



Everyone with a soul has dreamed of meeting the Muppets at some point (if not, I’m sorry to tell you that you are a vampire). Well, reader, not only did I meet the Muppets, but I also had the privilege of working side by side with them for a year and a half. The only minor caveat is that it wasn’t the But the Muppets a The Muppets from a low budget Puppet theater Rip off broadcast in a remote location I’m not going to reveal it because I’m afraid of screwing up any doll-related opportunities in my future. Also because I don’t want Fake Kermit to read this and behead me in my sleep.

Working with dolls on a daily basis has been a surreal, unsettling, and surprisingly r-rated experience, but I’ve gotten away with it smarter about the world and its people (and its pieces of felt that are shaped like people). Nowhere else could I have found out …

The dolls themselves are healthy, the people behind them are NOT

The first words I heard from the human face of this age Puppet theater-Inspired television show (let’s call it “Store Brand Jim Henson”) was “You’re Bisexual.” I had just met the muppets from the brand myself and they were absolutely nice, by which I mean they weren’t making unsubstantiated speculations about what motivates my boners. I need to make it clear that I didn’t go to that local television studio while lovingly holding a man and woman under each arm, and I wasn’t wearing a shirt that said “I enjoy both penises and vaginas” or anything like that. “Jim,” a lifelong children’s animator and devout Christian, decided that I would swing in either direction based on no relevant information.

We will come back to this moment.

I got the job literally the only way I could get a job in entertainment: by writing a short film for a janitor. Actually, more like an administrator who also performed caretaker duties at my university. The janitor / caretaker came up with a short film idea and knew I 1) owned a keyboard and knew how to use it and 2) was a sucker, so he let me turn his concept into a script. I’m not sure what happened to the movie. As far as I know, it won the Golden Plunger at an all-caretaker film festival in Belarus. The only benefit for me was that one of the teachers at the university, a guy I had never met, heard about my keyboard operation skills and invited me to share 50% of the typing tasks and 10% of the salary on some local TV show . I said “yes” immediately. (See: “Sucker” above.)

After agreeing to the job, I was relieved to learn that I was writing for a doll-based children’s program rather than the weather report. I also looked forward to creating some healthy family entertainment surrounded by gentle souls who certainly worked in the television doll world. And then I met our “Jim Henson” and he informed me that I love dongs (the vagina part was nothing new to me).

4 Things I Learned To Work With Ripped Off Muppets - Gonzo from The Muppet Show points to himself

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