Fads are really like fads. Some of it works. Some of them don't. And you do not know which of these two categories the one you are participating in until society has enough time to gain perspective. But before you get into the latest trend, consider that for every blue jeans or high-top sneaker there are a million things that don't pass the test of time. So if you would like to look at pictures of yourself in the next few years, learn a lesson from the following catastrophes …
10. Zoot Suits (1940s)
In the 1940s, Zoot Suits symbolized rebellion and individuality for the minority youth who wore them. So much so, in fact, that riots broke out when the government tried to ban them, arguing that the absurd amount of fabric needed to make them deprived the army of valuable war material.
Cool facts! You know what's not cool The zoot suit itself. Look at this silly monstrosity and mock it.
. 9 Romper for men (1970s)
The 70s are a good decade to illustrate the following: The more a new fashion trend deviates from standard jeans / t-shirt / dress or skirt / boots or sneaker / tailored jacket look the more likely it is not to pass the test of time .
Variations of the classics will probably not be too embarrassing, but wild descents like the wide-necked onesies for adult men advertised in fashion magazines in the mid-1970s will likely force you to discard all photographic evidence ever taken.
. 8 Shoulder pads (1980s)
If brevity is the soul of joke, just enough clothing worn and is the soul of fashion. Maybe that sounded better in my head. The point is: women in the 1980s did not understand this self-evident truth.
Shoulder pads, bat sleeves, and other free accessories to shirts and jackets that they simply didn't need were ridiculous perversions of the more subtle shoulder pads of the 1940s, because in the 1980s everything was a ridiculous perversion of something. That was part of the fun. This is also the reason why nobody who has lived through this decade will ever admit it publicly.
. 7 Mullets (1980s)
"Business in the foreground, party in the background?" Try, "Thank you for applying, but we're not hiring right now."
We will say this, however: Few could be hired imagined that the mullet, popularized by Irish rock star and liberal philanthropist Bono, would get on the scalp of the beer-eating Appalachians soaking their feet in kiddie pools. How did it happen? It is not important enough for us to find out. But let's imagine it has something to do with Def Leppard's Joe Elliot giving the look a blue jeans touch and country fan Billy Ray Cyrus taking it from there. A long story for one of the most unfortunate and worthless hairstyles ever.
. 6 Hair Metal… Everything (1980s)
Men who dress like women may have woken up a bit now, but we promise you that social commentary and LGBTQ rights weren't even on the radar of the chauvinistic slime balls on the Sunset Strip that in the mid-80s her hair and make-up were smeared to rock to Bon Jovi. The women were just as bad. In 1986, the sky over Los Angeles was 40% Aquanet for a few months. Whole bird species were endangered. Nirvana didn't kill any hair metal, the EPA did. We have a million of them.
But nobody said it better than Tommy Lee, whom you probably know from his thoughtful contributions to The Economist: “Just because we wear lipstick doesn't mean that we don't kick you can ass, ”he joked once. The other members of Mötley Crüe all laughed. We did that too.
. 5 Bang Parentheses (1990s)
We really tried to find the right name for this stupid looking haircut, but "braces" must be enough. It is really a perfect description. It is the haircut that made Jonathan Taylor Thomas of Home Improvement and some of the children of Saved By The Bell famous. Leonardo DiCaprio also wore it when Titanic was published.
Now live on in these haircut idea books in the salon where your local Karen goes. When you first saw her there, you thought I could do it. Now you think how the hell has no one ever thrown this book out?
. 4 Excessively Baggy Clothes (1990s)
Perhaps one day the current trend towards slim-fitting, tailored clothing will be seen as an overcorrection, but nobody can look at poncho t-shirts wrapped over jeans that are four sizes too big and honestly think it looks as cool as it did in the mid 90s.
It's a miracle that anyone can work if they have 40 pounds of fabric to wrestle with to find their wallet. Wait. We know it's buried somewhere here. Mr? Can you hold this handful of shirt while we watch? Thank you very much.
. 3 Frosted Tips (1990s / 2000s)
In which trash can have we thrown goatfish and glam metal coifs? Don't empty it yet, because there is one more atrocity that needs to be courtesy of even more cute musicians who have misled the public that you too can look as hot as Justin Timberlake by simply lightening the top half of your greasy hair.
Is there a way to tell people who do this without worrying that they look less like a cute member of a late 90's boy band and more like they go to Flavor Town?
2. Soul Patches (1990s / 2000s)
Sweet guys might have frozen tips, but bad guys had soul patches. Guys with motorcycles and cigarettes. Boys with leather jackets and hot girlfriends. People who have heard cool bands like Crossfade (heh) and Nickelback (snicker). Guys who are now fat, bald and stubborn, wear sleeveless tapout shirts and sunglasses inside and yell at their kids at the gas station while their wife smokes in the pickup truck.
Honestly, the biggest question we have about soul patches that are so small that it is hardly worth maintaining and trimming them is the "why".
. 1 Trilbys (2000s / 2010s)
God help us. Sometimes fashion trends fail so spectacularly that you don't even have to look at them afterwards. Before we proceed, keep in mind that Fedoras and Trilbys are often confused cousins and not twins. Fedoras are the wider, classic Hollywood-era hats you've seen paired with chiseled jaws and suit jackets. With the correctly applied Fedora, we have no problem at all. Trilbies, on the other hand, have no fashionable use at all. You've never been a bit cool in the world.
In fact, they are so cool that everyone is ashamed of the wearer, as if future anthropologists would discover you digging up an old mall and think we were all wearing Wolf T-shirts and trying to uncomfortably seduce women by show them off with our sword collections. For reasons of our collective dignity, please deposit your trilby in the next trash and ask for forgiveness.
BONUS!: Clear Shoes (2010s)
We are not sure how they got on the list. You will be cool forever.
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