There’s a lot of cowboy culture that appeals to me – riding horses all day – and making a living playing cards. Maybe look for some gold and strike it rich. Another unsung perk of the old west was slang. Much like how people in western cities were a more relaxed, laid back version of their east coast counterparts, cowboy language is calm. The slang mixes words. It is best to roll it around in your mouth for a while, like chewing tobacco, before spitting it into conversation. Perhaps the best way to deal with the 2020 dumpster fire is through the vocal recklessness of the old west. At least in language.
Cool cowboy slang that we should bring back
Two whoops and a roar.
Not too far away, a short way. “It only takes two oops and a shout to get to Dave and Buster from here.”
Crazier than an old wet hen.
Angry. Just super super crazy. “It makes me madder than a wet old hen when you like other girls’ Instagram pics.”
Fix your flint.
To solve a problem or to agree. “We kept fighting over where to go on the spring break until COVID fixed our flint – we didn’t go anywhere.”
Recognize the corn.
Admit that you lied, finally told the truth, or acknowledged a mistake. “Okay, I’ll acknowledge the corn, I spooked you after that date because you ordered a salad.”
Like licking butter off a knife.
To do something easy. “When I started prioritizing myself, ignoring his lyrics was like licking butter off a knife.”
Worse than a cat in a rocky room.
Someone who is really nervous. “I’m worse than a cat in a room full of rockers waiting for my COVID results.”
Ugly as a mud fence.
Somebody ugly. “Stop posting those group shots on Instagram where I look ugly as a mud fence.”
Take the wrong pig by the tail.
Pick the wrong person for something like a group project, relationship, or the Amazing Race. “When she finally invited me in, I realized I had the wrong pig by my tail – all of her plants were succulents.”
A lithe speaker or player. “That’s it – I have too much quarantine time to be read by a flannel mouth.”
Paint your almonds.
Getting drunk. “Is he ok? I saw him painting his almonds on Instagram every day in quarantine.”
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